Mom will do everything better and more correctly? Such a position leads to the fact that the pope is difficult to get used to the new role and, communicating with the crumbs, the young father feels not joy, but fear. As a result, the upbringing and care of the child fall entirely on the shoulders of the mother. But it can be quite different …
Let us tell you a secret: not only men, but also women are afraid of communication with a newborn. However, moms to overcome anxiety helps their hormones. In addition, they have a strong maternal instinct, so they are less afraid of the process of childbirth and care for a helpless baby. This is a natural instinctive feeling of unconditional adoption of a child.
The young father has a completely different hormonal background, so fear sometimes manifests itself quite strongly. But it is quite possible to cope with it. How? Just tell your husband that this fear is a fear of the unknown, and it can be overcome, for example, by striving for intimacy with the child. Proximity is constant: not only during the agreed hour after work, but also at any time when the presence of a loving adult is required for the baby.
No, dad does not need to take on most of the responsibilities of child care. It does not follow from this that dad should become a babysitter at the expense of his work. The speech is only that it is important to trust yourself as a father. There is a maternal instinct, but there is a father. Like the mother, it can be included not at the time of cutting the umbilical cord and not immediately after the tiny lump wrapped in an elegant envelope was in the hands, but a little later. Be patient! Experience will come with time. And many dad’s skills do not take up – they often cope better with moms and walks.
Help overcome fears
Ideally, it is necessary to prepare for the role of the father, as well as for the role of the mother, in advance. Adaptation is easier for those dads who, together with his wife, attended antenatal clinic, courses for future parents, chose a stroller or crib. But even if there was no time for all these pleasant efforts, it does not matter!
A good help in overcoming fears will be visiting a family in which there are already children. This will help to understand that everything is not as scary as it seems. The best friend of the child has already gone to kindergarten, a neighbor, who has recently rolled a carriage, starts a kite with his son. Do other dads cope? Cope and yours!
Ask your husband to help you with the housework, this is definitely not scary. What for? So he will please you and gradually get into the course of the matter – for example, he will learn how to properly wear a diaper, entertain a baby or do a massage.
WHAT FOR In order to learn how to do it as well! The baby needs both parents. It is not so important for him what exactly his dad will wear or how quickly he will change the diaper.
Trust the newborn dad
The newborn is so small that it is scary to even touch him! To get used to take the child in his arms and not be afraid to drop it, you can first sit on the sofa and keep the baby on your lap. In this position, it is enough just to support the crumbs of the head. So there is no risk of dropping the baby or accidentally hurting him, but you can feel that he is not as fragile and as weightless as it seemed.
WHAT FOR Young fathers believe that they can establish communication when the baby gets older. In the meantime, he is quite tiny, the man is afraid to make an awkward movement and hurt him, and there is nothing to talk about yet … But! The earlier the child begins to communicate with the dad – the easier it is for them to understand each other afterwards.
Do not take away from the husband of the child as soon as the crumb began to cry
The main thing for a newborn is unconditional acceptance, love emanating from parents. It helps the baby to feel safe and develop harmoniously. And the fact that he, staying with his dad, could not immediately fall asleep or showed a little prankishness, is nothing, it’s everyday!
By the way, pediatricians claim that most children behave with daddies much calmer than with moms who instantly react to any squeak and just that they sound the alarm. Dad is a stable companion, and therefore the child is less naughty with him.
But of course, baby crying is not the most pleasant thing. Dads want the baby to smile. And the fact that crying is sometimes annoying is quite natural. Instead of taking the child from her husband, explain to him that crying is normal, so the baby is trying to say something to him now, calling for help.
Help your husband understand the algorithm for crying:
- check the diaper;
- offer expressed mother’s milk;
- show your baby a new toy;
- Take the baby in your arms, walk, try to rock.
WHAT FOR In case the baby cries when mom is not at home.
Tell your husband what to do with the baby.
- Reading books (even three-month-old karapuz react to bright pictures and papin’s voice), gymnastics, swimming (in the bath or in the pool with an experienced instructor).
- Another great lesson, created for dads, is walking with a stroller on weekends. Mom will be able to go about their business or finally relax, and dad – get some fresh air and … relax too. By the way, you can use the sling. Slingopaps are now in fashion and marketers take this into account – you can buy quite brutal slings of colors. Having nestled on the father, the baby feels completely safe, quickly falls asleep and does not cry.
- And finally, poems, songs and just talk. Dad talks to the baby in no way like mom, so conversations (topics are not important yet) will be extremely useful and interesting for the kid.
WHAT FOR The intimacy with the father is important for the child, and this closeness can be achieved only by communicating with the baby and caring for him.
Text: Rodion Chepalov, Psychologist