Often there are situations in which newly minted moms or mothers with experience sadly admit: I feel like a bad mom. One should immediately make a reservation: a person who has thoughts that he is bad is not one.
We all know the truth that a stupid person never admits that he is stupid. And if a mother analyzes and experiences, where and in what she could be wrong, reproaches herself for shortcomings, then she is a good mother who knows how to admit mistakes and will definitely try to correct herself in the future.
Causes of Negative Thoughts
This feeling of insolvency arises in different cases:
- when mothers are angry that the baby does not calm down for a long time and cries;
- when a child is scolded at school for behavior;
- when mothers are forced to leave their baby with another person for a while;
- when mothers break down and scream at the child, or even spank him a little;
- when children start to be rude to their parents, etc.
A child who is constantly crying can make almost every woman feel like a bad mother.
Similar thoughts, the so-called bad mother’s complex, are inherent in almost all women without exception who have children. Some newly appeared mothers sometimes even get some rejection of their offspring: they do not realize that their baby is really their baby.
Often, such thoughts of their failure as a mother come to those women who help to take care of the little older generation. They will surely tell you how harmful diapers, modern blends, the latest methods of education are harmful. My mother-in-law or my mother will remember how they raised their children, that they didn’t have any unpleasant situations, that they never fell through on others or a child.
If the help of your older relatives is only to criticize your behavior, try to protect yourself from communicating with them. Otherwise, they will not only inspire you that you are a worthless mother, but in general they will lower your self-esteem.
How to deal with it?
All these negative thoughts are a la i think i’m a bad mom, which sometimes interfere with communicating with children and educating them properly, gradually disappear. But if you have a feeling that your mother’s failure has been delayed, try the following recommendations, which help many women who experience similar problems:
- Have a rest
Yes, there are always many responsibilities on the shoulders of mothers that are connected not only with the baby: cleaning, cooking, washing, etc. In order to have time for all this, you need to hire a housekeeper, and often there is no money for this. Therefore, sometimes let your husband prepare his own breakfast, postpone cleaning up the apartment until better times, etc., and sleep at this time yourself.
It is more pleasant for a child to be with a kind and rested mom, even if some things with the whole family have not been ironed for a week, than with a tense, always-on-board mom, but with a sterile apartment and order in everything.
Ask for help
If you do not cope, do not hesitate to ask for help close relatives, neighbors, free girlfriends, etc. And it may not be a request to sit with the child, but, for example, go to the store for the right products or pick up your coat from dry cleaning.
It does not take a lot of time from your friends, but you will not be able to strain at least for such petty reasons. And the life of moms, in addition to taking care of the child, consists of trifles.
Allocate time exclusively for yourself.
Monotonous activities and affairs 24 hours a day, anyone will be driven into depression. Therefore, leave the child to grandmothers, girlfriends or husband (and drive away the thought that he is a bad father and will not cope), and go ahead: play sports, English, embroidery, dance, etc. Think of a useful business, pay for it in advance and then you definitely will not miss a single lesson.
If necessary, take a sedative.
Now there are drugs that can be taken by nursing mothers – they have no effect on the baby. This is usually herbal-based products. Before taking any medication is better to consult a doctor.
Count to 10
Psychologists advise this technique to anyone who needs to calm down. Even if your child is constantly crying, and for a long time, and you can not calm him down, do not boil. Leave for a couple of minutes in the kitchen or in the corridor and count to 10. The child will still cry, and this time will help you to calm down, to take himself in hand and not to do something silly.
Treat life positively!
It is difficult, especially when something does not work, but imagine how surprised your child is when you just laugh at his remark about a forgotten diary and tell you how you once forgot not only the diary, but also the shift, and notebooks and even the head.
There are a number of conclusions about the dangers of detergent cosmetics. Unfortunately, not all newly-made moms listen to them. In 97% of baby shampoos, the dangerous substance Sodium Lauryl Sulfate (SLS) or its analogues is used. Many articles have been written about the effects of this chemistry on the health of both children and adults. At the request of our readers, we tested the most popular brands. The results were disappointing – the most publicized companies showed the presence of those most dangerous components. In order not to violate the legal rights of manufacturers, we cannot name specific brands.
The company Mulsan Cosmetic, the only one who passed all the tests, successfully received 10 points out of 10 (see). Each product is made from natural ingredients, completely safe and hypoallergenic.
If you doubt the naturalness of your cosmetics, check the expiration date, it should not exceed 10 months. Come carefully to the choice of cosmetics, it is important for you and your child.
Know the main thing: there are no perfect people, like ideal mothers. It is important to try to be perfect only for your children, and not for the whole world. Children value love, not universally accepted ideals.