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What is bonding and how to establish it with a child

They say mommy’s heart feels her child from a distance. For centuries our ancestors believed in this intuitive connection, and contemporaries gave it the name of bonding. Make contact!

From English “bonding” is translated as “connection”, “connection”. They began to talk about this after the book by the scientist, philosopher, expert in the field of evolutionary methods of child education Joseph Pierce “The Magic Child” was published. The book describes the observation of the upbringing of children in some indigenous peoples of Africa and America. In these countries, mothers carry their newborn babies in a special chest strap. No diapers, and the more diapers, they know not to know. And their babies are always clean.

When asked how mommies understand that a crumb wants to go to the toilet, the women answered in amazement: “How do you know when you need it?”. Moreover, if the child of these nations, far from civilization, a few days after the birth “does its job” to the mother, she is considered a stupid woman and a nasty mother.

According to our urban concepts, there is no secret and mysticism in such behavior of the Uruguayan “savages”. Simply, these mothers, without even thinking about it and not knowing about the existence of the term “bonding”, are able to establish contact with their child and understand his desires.

Thin link

It does not matter how old the child is – he still snuffles sweetly in a cradle or has long grown up and has his own children – his mother will surely feel if something has happened. Such parental flair cannot be explained “humanly” from the point of view of science, logic, chemistry or physics.

This connection is from the field of unexplored, intuitive, extrasensory – that which is given to us by nature. And, it turns out, it is not just given – bonding between parents and a child cannot be learned, it must be able to be “set” before the birth of the crumbs. Then you will clearly perceive the needs of your newly born, crumbs and questions disturbing many young parents, simply will not stand on the surface of the day.

For example: is there enough milk for a baby, is he gaining enough weight, why is he crying (wants to eat, is he bored, does something hurt), put the baby to sleep with him in bed, etc. You will not look for answers to questions, you will KNOW them – the umbilical cord of the “child-mother” informational connection will not be interrupted even after the birth of the baby.

Hear me mom

The first contact with the unborn child, of course, comes Mom. A woman in an interesting position is not just carrying a baby, she is changing, experiencing hitherto unknown sensations – her consciousness, attitude, life values, mood become different, intuition is enhanced, feelings are sharpened. During this period, it is important to listen to yourself, calmly, positively accept all changes in the body, pick up the signals of life that has settled in it, and trust your feelings.

Understand a simple thing – the appearance of a little man does not occur when he is born. He already has – in your tummy, he feels and understands: in what mood the mother – whether she is happy about his appearance or trying not to notice, continues to live her usual life. The main thing to understand is that now you are in one, united, information field – the child-mother.

Modern technologies allowed perinatal psychologists to observe the fetus in the woman’s tummy. And the age-old theories that the unborn baby, understands the mother, have been confirmed – if the mother is sad, the excitement is transmitted to the child, she is happy – happy and gritty.

Of course, no one calls from the first minute of pregnancy to completely forget about yourself and your interests and dissolve in the future child – this is another, no less dangerous extreme. The point is that you just need to learn how to pay attention to the future baby and receive its signals.

Positive emotions

According to researches of scientists from 4 months of intrauterine development, the child can hear sounds from outside. But to communicate with your future baby you do not need to wait until this deadline. Start talking to him already from that second, as soon as you learn about your pregnancy. Let your first reaction be a positive surge, joy, – the child will understand – his arrival is welcome! Out of doubt, anxiety, fear – in this case, the baby will feel that he is not expected, not loved, he is superfluous.

Even if now, in this particular segment of life, this pregnancy does not fit into your plans, try to accept this gift of Heaven with gratitude, positively. Believe, it will take quite a bit of time, and you will kiss the pink heels of your baby, no longer imagining his life without him.

Let your imagination draw a tiny creature – your piece, here it is – a girl with brown curls or a blue-eyed boy who looks at you and is waiting for your reaction – whether he will be happy with mommy or not.

There are a lot of cases from life when women who are experiencing their “untimely” pregnancy have died of the fetus or babies with various diseases or complications have appeared. It is this “rejection” of pregnancy, excessive workload, stress, violate the formation of contact mother-child. As a result, as psychologists say, “street” children are born, who in the womb felt that no one needed them.

Chat with your child now

Feel the uniqueness of your position “two in one” – you are no longer alone, as before, another life is hidden in you – is this not a miracle? Communicate with the little ones constantly. You woke up in the morning – greet your little one, ask how he feels, tell us that you love him, that you are waiting for him to appear.

In the evening, tell about what happened to you today, wish good night. And throughout the day, if possible, explain everything that is happening around: “It is summer, a warm breeze is blowing, flowers are blooming and the sun is shining brightly. And autumn will come very soon, the leaves on the trees will turn yellow and fall off. ”

Are you alarmed about something? Be sure to calm the baby! Did the noise of a nearby car scare you? The kid immediately took the impulse of fear! Explain: “Don’t worry, mother, the mother was frightened by the loud sound of the car, but nothing threatens us, she left, everything is in order.”

It is not necessary to talk out loud with the child, because not all the passers-by know that you are in a position and establish bonding. It is quite logical that those around you will accept a woman talking to herself for “a little out of her mind.” You don’t need an extra negative, so mental contact with a child is enough!

Dialogue with a child will be more constructive and exciting from the moment you feel his movements in the tummy. Now you can ask your questions and get answers to them. Do not believe? And you try. Say, for example, that you want to know who is hiding in the tummy – a boy or a girl. If the boy – let him strike in the tummy, if the girl – keep silent. To fix the result, conduct a survey several times.

Start a “movement diary” – this is not just a notebook, where you will write down when you first heard how the fish “swam” and how many times a day the baby hit the tummy. The diary will help you understand the crumbs.

Watch what you thought when you heard the push, what you saw at that moment, how you felt. How active the “strikes” of the legs-legs are are intense or barely audible. Does the baby react to your joy, disappointment, fright?

Communication with the future dad

If the mother is directly connected with the crumbs from the first day of conception, then the baby should first meet with the pope in absentia. Actively involve the spouse to communicate with the future baby. Let the husband stroke your belly, talk to the baby, say that he loves him and will be glad of his birth.

If the baby is already beating in the tummy, at first do not wait for the child’s reaction, you need to be patient. First, the child will lie low and take a wait, calm down, stop beating. But after a few days, he will get used to a low male voice and establish a tactile dialogue with his dad – Dad put his hand on his mother’s belly – the baby will definitely bang on it.

If papa will regularly talk with the future child, then after birth, the crumb will immediately recognize his voice; with such constant interaction, it will be easier for the pope to make contact with the baby in the future.

Perinatal psychologists say that, although the pope’s emotional attitude does not directly affect the child, it is transmitted to him through the mother. When the parents have a good relationship, the woman feels confident, safe, it is transferred to the baby.

Thus, the father also affects the development of the crumbs before his birth – affecting the emotional state of mommy. Psychologists are sure that the unborn heir is learning respectful family relations from his father.

So – giving birth!

The next important stage in establishing bonding relations is childbirth and the first hours of the birth of a child.

Do not take into account the scary life stories of friends, acquaintances, neighbors, that giving birth is creepy, scary and painful. Tune in that the thread of trust and understanding will help you along with your little one to go this way. Understand, the child has no purpose to hurt you. And nature has thought about how to facilitate this difficult arrival of a little man in our world. Send the kid the thought that you and his dad are really looking forward to everything will be fine, that the world is kind and gentle. According to statistics, children with whom mother (parents) communicated during childbirth, much easier and without undesirable consequences for the health of both mother and baby, were born.

The child has no experience of life, but you have this experience! Even if you go through the first birth, you still understand (albeit from the stories) what is happening. The kid does not understand at all what happened to him. Just imagine that the crumb, which was so good, calm and comfortable in the house-womb, begins to experience tremendous pressure (it is compared with a mass of 50 kg! And this is 3 kg of baby’s weight!) – contractions that push it along ways.

Calm the baby, say that you will cope with everything, that you are healthy and a healthy baby will be born.

Do you have a partner birth? Let the pussy hear the calm voice of the father, who encourages both the mother and him, warns the baby and tells him about everything that is happening.

And when the long-awaited moment of the appearance of the crumbs comes – do not miss the important moments of establishing a spiritual connection. Immediately after birth, parents and children must merge in the bonding process. Next to the baby in the first seconds of life should be his mother!

Immediately after birth

It is proved that the skin-muscular sensations in the first moments of the baby’s life are the main sources of impressions with which the child will associate the world around him throughout his later life! And only mommy is able to give the child this contact-comfort, a sense of security and comfort.

Take note of the fact that the condition of the child is still in the womb (everything is in order, or there is a danger) is determined by him according to three indicators: the mother’s heartbeat, hormones in the blood and the sweetish taste of the amniotic fluid. If the first two indicators are normal, and the water is sweet – the baby is happy, life is beautiful, he is calm.

Therefore, it is so important that after the stress of birth all these three indicators converge for the baby and the cycle is closed. What does it mean? First, immediately after birth, you need to put the crumb to the chest – he will hear the familiar sound – Mommy’s heartbeat. Secondly, give the first colostrum to suck – to taste it resembles the amniotic fluid.

And, thirdly, do not cut the umbilical cord until it stops pulsing. Think, because nature provides everything – the umbilical cord is of such length that allows you to bring the baby to the mother’s chest, and not interrupt her immediately after birth! Having clung to mummy, the baby will plunge into the aura of love and family sensations, and will understand that this world, hostile at first glance, is a good world, and it is not alone.

If there is a dad in the delivery room, let him, after the mother, take the naked baby in his arms. So the baby will get acquainted with him – he will hear and remember his smell, voice, he will understand that he is in strong reliable hands.

The long tradition of Soviet maternity hospitals supported a completely different scenario. After the stress of birth, when the baby got from a comfortable mother’s tummy to a new, frightening world, with loud sounds, unusual surroundings and bright light, the crumb immediately felt the touch of his hands in rubber gloves of someone else’s aunt-midwife.

Then they slap him on the ass, causing crying, measure the height and diameter of the head, wash, dress, calculate Apgar scores … All this of course is correct, but let all these calculations and measurements go a bit later … And first – to mom. Fortunately, such correct conditions for mothers and children are trying to create in most modern maternity hospitals.

Of course, the relationship between parents and child are built throughout life. But if during pregnancy you were not indifferent to your baby, if you passed the clan path, mentally holding the baby by the hand, and fulfilled the three basic principles of the “healthy state of the child”, then you can safely say that in your life there will be much conflict with the child less, and the mental relationship with him will last forever.

Editorial opinion may not coincide with the opinion of the author of the article.

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