The first year with a crumb for one mother can be happiness, and for another – a test. Why is this happening and how can you cope with stress?
Stress after childbirth and a feeling close to a nervous breakdown or depression is largely provoked by our expectations of ourselves. Try to deal with this, and then it turns out that you have a wonderful, pleasing you baby. After all, you – really wonderful mom!
The main reason, according to psychologists who work with similar problems, in most cases is not at all what mom does. Much more important is how she values herself as a mother.
Exaggerated or inadequate expectations from herself, a feeling of her own failure, confidence in the negative attitude of the people around her – this is what actually leads to stressful states more than the real problems of the baby. Let’s try to deal with the 3 main difficulties that sound in the head of the mother and prevent her from fully enjoying motherhood.
I can not cope
Under this bdquo; a common motto, with which mothers most often turn to a psychologist, a variety of ideas can be hidden. Someone has in mind that it is impossible to do what mom considers necessary. For example, keep the house in order, take care of the baby, work a little and learn, keep in mind and do a lot of things in time from paying bills to congratulating relatives on their birthday …
Inflated demands on themselves.
What to do?
- Write down everything — everything you had to do during the day.
- On a separate sheet write down in detail everything that you have done in reality. Do not be shy: indicate that you, for example, warmed the baby food 5 times, 6 times they changed his clothes, bathed him twice. In general, all the details.
- Compare both lists. Highlight what you did not plan, but did. For example, they did not think of putting such bdquo; trifles into the plan, like washing a child 6 times or cleaning the kitchen after he had sprinkled all the porridge. This is the essence: you actually do more than you planned: the baby always throws surprises to you, this is normal. The point is not that you bdquo; do not cope, but that you underestimate your real work and reproach yourself.
Being a mother of a small child is largely dependent on his changing state and needs. This is a serious burden and an enormous amount of time and effort. You have the right to cancel or postpone any cases – and this is not a bdquo; failure, this is the normal course of things for this period of your life.
I do not understand what he wants
Usually this thought worries moms of restless babies who often cry. Mom may feel that she does not satisfy the needs of her baby, so she feels like a bdquo; bad mother.
You have a restless child.
What to do?
- Recognize that there are kids who need extra help to adapt to this world.
- If a child has problems with feeding (often spits, throws breasts, suffers from colic), the problem must be solved with a pediatrician.
- If the baby often cries for no apparent reason, show it to a good neurologist.
There are more and less calm children – this awareness itself is already important and constructive. Anxiety of the child is not your fault and not your misunderstanding. You just need to figure out how to help him. Your peace of mind is the very first help to yourself, and rational actions are the second
I do not like my child
Women rarely say this thought out loud, but often think to themselves in moments of despair. Everything is in it: both longing for all sorts of pleasures of a childless period, and a feeling of failure in the new role of mother for you, inflated expectations of permanent maternal happiness.
You have a critical mass of negative emotions and chronic fatigue.
What to do?
- No need to seek salvation in this thought. How do you punish yourself with it – what could be worse for a mother? However, you also have a second benefit: a rather sophisticated and painful, but still a way to stop suffering from the thought of bdquo; I can not cope. We kind of say to ourselves: bdquo; Yes, I’m a monster, but I’m not a loser.
- Try to stop feeling bad bdquo; mother who can not cope.
- Do not require joyful emotions from yourself.
- Find the opportunity to switch and rest – ask your relatives or friends to help you with this.
- Contact a psychologist and a general practitioner so that they objectively evaluate your state of health. It is possible that you need help to recover from a bdquo; hormonal spurt.
I love my child as it turns out now. These emotions and feelings are not concrete, they are changeable. For many years we will build our relationship, which is unique and not similar to how it happens with others. And this is the value we value.